S • U • R • P • I • S •E !!!
I am pregnant! As I write this I am nearly 17 weeks along, so just over 4 months along. And boy has this whole thing been very surreal. We have been trying since early 2020 and thought it would happen, but with the move and lots of stress and new beginnings we put it to the side and just tried to be happy and content as a family of three. My heart pulled each month as I hoped and wished for a positive test only to be disappointed. After nights of praying I came to the realization that maybe it just wasn’t my time and that was okay. I have ONE great amazing son and that should be enough. Within the next month we were blessed with a positive and I was beyond thrilled and also so scared. A few family members and our closest of friends know, but I haven’t made a post or social media breakthrough on it.
I wanted to keep an accurate and brutally real “diary” of sorts about working out while pregnant. While most know we usually keep pregnancy mum until we reach the second trimester. Partly to have something for yourself and also because first trimester is a high risk time and a lot of women miscarry during this time. To have to mourn in public is something I can’t imagine.
(I started this quite a while ago…) So, let’s see… as I am writing this I am almost 9 weeks along. Which is not far along but this time my butt is being kicked! From about 5.5 weeks till present day… I’ve been sick every day, exhausted and moody. Oh, let’s not forget extraordinarily gassy. Burps, farts… all of it. My goal was to be able to run throughout the whole pregnancy. With H, I was not active (not active before or during pregnancy, I found my fitness well after him) but I was working a restaurant job where walking 6+ hours a night was a daily thing. And I didn’t have terrible sickness, some smell aversions but not bad. This time around? A WHOLE NEW GAME.
I wake up in the morning either feeling like I didn’t sleep at all or I feel great. Which lasts for about an hour and a half. And then it goes downhill. I have bad headaches, aches and pains, cramps at times, and nausea. Then, there’s the never ending hunger. Give me cheese, give me bread. Give me meat. It’s all I really want. Some days a big bowl of meaty pasta – satiated by a huge piece of lasagna – makes me happiest of all. I find myself dragging myself to the gym, I don’t want to go at all. But I know it’s important to stay active and I’ll feel better in the long run. I already feel like I’ve gained weight- which to be honest I’m having trouble coping with. I worked so hard to lose the weight that knowing I have to put it on makes me scared. But I know I can get back to where I was also.
Fears: I have experienced a lot of dizziness and tunnel vision in the early stages (5-8weeks). So I am too afraid to run outside due to heat and humidity. I’ve stayed inside in the gym where I can regulate the temperature and get help if needed. I’ve told my doctors about the dizziness, it’s common and they say to keep hydrated and eat. I feel like I’m never not eating. Which makes me worried I will gain TOO much weight. So I’ve tried to keep in mind “I am not eating for two” but it’s hard sometimes. And I’ll give in and eat what I am craving. it hasn’t been sugar or chocolate oddly lol.
So, in the middle of the first trimester I am aiming to be active daily, run or workout at least 3x a week and get good sleep. I luckily walk ~30 minutes a day with the puppy and then he also gets to play a lot of frisbee. I feel best when I’m outside in fresh air and have been loving the beach. I’m already needing to get a bigger bathing suit top. Each day is hit or miss, I never WANT to run or work out, but I’m ALWAYS glad I do afterwards. I don’t want to it to feel like I HAVE to run or work out, but sometimes I have to force myself. I have my goals and I know that I need to stick to them to have a healthy pregnancy and baby.
10 weeks along- I’ve noticed that after I run or work out it only takes about an hour before I am absolutely EXHAUSTED. Like I HAVE to lay down and rest. And if I don’t, I’m not myself. I’ve been trying to keep my running up because I know it’s good for me.
2 days shy of 3 months- I really thought I would’ve popped already
Week 15+- ive had some mental trouble, being away from family and friends is tough. Going through these physical changes are tough. And I’m just trying to work my way through. From 2017 to 2021 I was either trying to lose weight or maintain. I learned to love my fit body and was so proud of it. So as I gain weight and it feels like just fat, and no baby bump really… it has been extremely tough on me. I’ve tried to voice this to J, but it isn’t being received well. And it makes me feel bad, because I can’t figure out the correct words to really use. I just feel chubby. And it doesn’t help I don’t want to do any running because it’s just too dang humid. But if I don’t, I suffer more than anything. We are now in Silverhill which means I don’t have access to the gym anymore, so my only choice is really to go outside
Week 14/15- Coming to the realization that for the next couple years my body really isn’t mine. I don’t have a specific plan for this baby like I did with my first. I planned to exclusively breastfeed for minimum a year (ended up nursing for 2 years and co-sleeping for 3!) and to co-sleep and be this oh so perfect mom. When this time around, I hope I can breastfeed for at least 6 months but I am not going to agonize over it because it made it so I gave up a big portion of myself for a long time. And I really had to combat a lot of depression by not having my “me” time. This time around while my absolute goal is to make sure my baby is healthy and happy, I refuse to put myself second or third or anything other than 1. I will make sure I advocate for my mental and physical health!
16 week update – I was able to really voice my fears to my best friend about the weight gain and I’m feeling a little more like myself, and popping a bit more, and learning to love my body more and just grow with grace.
Run Jac Run 🏃🏻♀️ 