This is Me!

Hello Dear Readers… I go back and forth on writing blogs- but must admit that I love to write. I don’t care so much that people read it or not. But here is my story…

I am a mother to an AMAZING kid. I am the girlfriend/fiancé/ wife to an amazing man. I say I am all those titles because we aren’t married, but we were engaged- we are together- and we aren’t quitting on each other any time soon. Wow that is getting into a whole different part of our life. We have a child, and he is the light of our life. (so cliché) We are together and happy- and being supremely happy is one of my biggest life goals. Maybe because for the first 28 years of my life I wasn’t happy? Maybe because I was never happy with who I was or what I looked like? Deep insecurities and as child, that have been amazingly solved with 3 years of hardcore therapy, 1.5 years of being separated from my partner (whoops, there goes the whole different part of our life portion). But by allowing us to be separated we both grew up and came into our own and came back together to grow STRONG! Stronger than I have ever known, the strongest bond between us that makes me scared for my life that I could ever lose him actually.

Anyways, sappy part over- this is supposed to be a running blog. I found running a year ago. I was athletic from the womb till 15 when depression hit me so hard that it knocked the love of everything out of my life. I stopped soccer, running, laughing, taking care of myself… everything. I stopped it all. I was miserable. And without any kind of movement I eventually gained a lot of weight (after lots of bad decision making). I topped the scales at 155- which for a person who is 5’1.5 and normally very athletic, this was major weight gain and effected me a lot. I didn’t get that way overnight, but it sure felt like it. Weight crept on slowly, and by the time I really looked at myself I was horrified. I didn’t know where to start, I didn’t understand how I got there and I couldn’t fathom starting over.

I made a bet with a friend to start working out more and watching what we ate. I happened to be the friend who needed that encouragement so much and ended up losing weight quickly. My body immediately reacted to mindful healthier eating and moving. I saw a 5 pound weight loss within the first month, and each month more and more came off. About 10 months in, I was going to the gym 3-4 times a week and lifting weights and doing elliptical when I had a crazy idea to try the treadmill. I have never had a good relationship with running, I never thought I could run more than 1 mile. I hated gym class when we had to do a timed mile and never expected to actually enjoy it. Anyways, as this great love began, I hated it. But something in me sparked this curiosity. It was a challenge. And I love challenges! I challenged myself to run a mile without walking, I didn’t succeed at first.. I was slow and I was out of breath. I researched and read how to start running properly and was introduced to this whole running community. I was enamored. I was enthralled. Fuck, it was at love. I found an app called “Aaptiv,” where a trainer called Meg would talk into my ear over music and tell me to keep going and push through. And I would do workouts with her and bump the music loud and keep fighting on. Soon, I found out I could run 2 miles in a row, then 3 … and I was ADDICTED! For a while I couldn’t get past 3 miles, and I was only running on a treadmill. I was scared to run outside and be judged for walking. But, what I have now realized…. No one cares- and you are lapping the people on the couch or in their cars. It was harder to adjust to running outside, but now I can’t get away from it. Now, every time I see someone out running I get so jealous!

So, since I couldn’t push past 3 miles, I kept challenging myself and the only way I knew how was to sign up for a 10k! I spent 4 hard months training with Aaptiv and Meg to run a 10k. My goal was to complete it in under an hour, even if it meant 59 minutes and 59 seconds! With Aaptiv I did strength training and running and was the strongest I have ever been. I felt amazing. My first 10k was nerve wracking, I was scared… but I ran the fastest I ever had! I finished in 56 minutes and some change! If I wasn’t hooked before, I was even more hooked after finishing. I loved the challenge, the thought of giving up, the momentum of the other runners and how one lady took me under her wing and pulled me along when I declared I just needed to walk for a minute. She said “oh no girl, I know you go this in you! We are only on mile 3!” it was the dreaded 3 mile wall and I pushed through it!

After the race, I got the runners blues and didn’t know how to continue. Didn’t know what to do. I kept running, but only 2-3 miles at a time. I was sad, I got sick and had to rest for what felt like forever. My 2019 goal was to run a marathon, and as summer came and was slowly leaving I realized I still had a chance to run a half if I got myself into gear.

I signed up for my first half marathon with 7.5 weeks to race day. And I kicked it into high gear. My mistake was that I didn’t incorporate any strength training and only focused on the miles. But I sure hit some high miles and learned to love it all. I would wake up at 5am to run and get back to the house by 6:15-6:30. I pulled 15 hour days sometimes and yes, before you ask- it took a toll on everything. Family, friends, eating out, drinking a beer.. everything was put to the side. I didn’t IGNORE my family, but I definitely had the priority to wake up early and work out and not stay up late and watch a movie. It was hard, and the only thing I am going to change is that I make sure to stay BALANCED.

Before I go into too much, this is ME! This is my life. I am addicted to running and want to share it with everyone and anyone that will listen. If you would like to find me and follow my real-time daily life, you can find me on Instagram @runjacrun